Well, it's been awhile.  Hmm.

I finished the YWAM West Virginia @ Keyser website - all you lovelies should check it out.  http://www.ywamwestvirginia.com

Life is going on.  I've got a new car waiting for me in Ohio which makes me super happy!  Now I'm just praying that God gives me the wisdom I need to know what to do about my monthly support.  *breathes*  I'd definitely appreciate everyone's prayers.  I'm at about 45% of my monthly income goal and in order for me to move out of the house I'm living in now and move into my own apartment, I've got to be able to pay rent.  At the moment I'm getting by with paying for gas for Oscar (my car; so named by the lovely Megan W.), groceries, my association fees and having a few dollars (literally) left.  Now, I'm very thankful for those few left over dollars, but they aren't going to pay rent.

Yes, well.  God is good.  Always.  Whether I understand all He's up to or not.  And you know, He's never not provided for the things He's called me to.  I have to remember that. 

awkward limbs
heavy heart
ache.

solace in the
[un]comfortable past
penitent.

hot tears
cool skin
duplicity.

hot water mingles with salty, fluid grief. 
gasping breaths drowned out by bathroom fans.
whispered Words of peace and grace;
undeserved: redemption.
remember to live.
somehow, oddly...beautifully
at rest.

I'm on my way to Ohio tonight to stay through Labor Day.  It seems so strange to be going back and forth so much; when I lived in Texas I only saw my family and non-YWAM friends once a year, twice in those years when a niece or nephew graduated.

Mom is doing a little better - they believe the infection is mostly gone.  She had a blood transfusion this morning and now we're just waiting for her to eat something.  Thanks, all of you, for your prayers.

And all of your kind comments made me cry.  I feel very blessed to know I have friends who love me.  It's an encouragement when life feels a bit too overwhelming.

Today I am better.  I go through life hoping not to break, knowing that if, no when, I do, I have a Master Surgeon who stitches me back together.  God told me this - either directly, or as a quote through a book (weird that I can't remember...)

"I won't remove the scars from your life, but I'll give them the appearance of carving on a fine piece of crystal."

I may feel as if my world crashes and crumbles around me, but my Help and my Strength comes through Him and His grace.  It seems trite, but honestly, without Him I would not survive this.  Not just this whole ordeal with my mother, but this...this life in this harsh world.

This morning on my way to my house, to retrieve my toothbrush I'd left, I again glanced at the mountains and the sun in awe.  Amidst all the harshness; in great contrast to the cold and bitter world; God's beauty speaks love and warmth to my soul.  Not only does the sun warm my skin, its rays are like God's promises to me surrounding me with Life and Hope.

Today I take another deep breath - a desperate gulp - and I take another step.  Forward [not backward].  Into His grace.